Best Therapists for Loss & Grief Counselling
Grief is a response to a loss of any kind. It may be the loss of a loved one, th…read more
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Avoiding reminders of the deceased
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Lana Steiner
Layers
You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Lana Steiner
Layers
You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Lana Steiner
Layers
You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Lana Steiner
Layers
You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Frequently asked questions
Everything you need to know about the product and billing.
What is Grief?
Grief is the deep sorrow and emotional pain experienced after a significant loss, most commonly the death of a loved one.
Emotional and Physical Distress
You might feel intense sadness, anxiety about being separated from the person, confusion, and a longing to relive past moments. You may also worry about the future.
Physiological Effects
Severe grief can affect your health by weakening your immune system, leading to self-neglect, and even causing suicidal thoughts.
Regret and Remorse
Grief can also manifest as regret for something lost, remorse for actions taken, or sorrow over personal misfortunes.
Grief is primarily an emotional process where you react to the loss of someone you loved. This process is internal and personal. Common grief reactions include:
Numbness and Disbelief
Feeling shocked or unable to believe the loss is real.
Anxiety
Feeling distressed due to the separation from your loved one.
Mourning and Depression
Going through a period of mourning that often includes symptoms of depression.
Eventual Recovery
Gradually finding a way to recover and adjust to life without your loved one.
Sometimes, grief reactions can be more severe or complicated, leading to what is known as complicated grief. This type of grief can be persistent and more difficult to overcome.
Types of Grief
Uncomplicated Grief
This used to be called “normal” grief. With this type, your grief symptoms are most intense for about six months after a loss, but they gradually lessen with time.
Anticipatory Grief
This is when you experience grief before the actual loss occurs. For example, you might feel this type of grief when you learn that a loved one has a terminal illness.
Inhibited Grief
Inhibited grief happens when you don’t take the time to recognize or process your feelings of grief. This can lead to physical problems like panic attacks or trouble sleeping.
Complicated Grief
Sometimes, grief doesn’t get better over time, and you might find it hard to accept the loss. This is called “complicated grief.” Talk to your doctor if you experience:
- Trouble keeping up with your normal routines
- Feelings of depression
- Thoughts that life isn’t worth living
- Thoughts of harming yourself
- An inability to stop blaming yourself
Delayed Grief
Delayed grief occurs when you don’t process your feelings at the time of your loss. Instead, you might feel and process them weeks, months, or even years later. This can happen because the shock of your loss interrupts your ability to deal with grief, or because you’re too busy with practical matters to feel grief until later.
Absent Grief
This is when you don’t show any outward signs of grieving, but you may still be working through complex feelings internally.
Cumulative Grief
Cumulative grief happens when you’re processing multiple losses at once. For example, you might be grieving the loss of a marriage and a job at the same time. This makes the grieving process longer and more complicated.
Traumatic Grief
Traumatic grief occurs when you have prolonged difficulties after a loss, making it hard to move on with everyday life. It can make it difficult to have any positive memories of the loved one you lost. When this happens to children, it’s called Childhood Traumatic Grief.
Collective Grief
Collective grief is when you grieve far-reaching losses as part of a group. Examples include natural disasters, school shootings, and pandemics.
Prolonged Grief Disorder
Also known as complicated grief, this type of grief is intense and lasting, interfering with your daily life. Your grief doesn’t diminish over time, and you may need to seek professional help to deal with your feelings and symptoms.
Causes of Grief
Grief is the experience of coping with loss. While it’s often associated with the death of a loved one, you can feel grief due to any change that challenges your identity or life routines.
You may grieve:
- The death of your friend, family member, partner, or pet
- The end of your marriage or a friendship
- Leaving your home, neighbourhood, or community
- The end of your job or career
- Losing financial stability
- The death of a dream or goal
- Loss of your health
- The end of your youth
- Being unable to have children
- Loss of the life you had before a disability or illness
- Your own loss of life as you prepare for death
Stages of Grief
Your feelings may happen in phases as you come to terms with your loss. You can’t control the process, but it’s helpful to know the reasons behind your feelings. All people experience grief differently. In the 1960s, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief. She was a psychiatrist, author, and pioneer in near-death studies.
Those stages are:
- Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it’s common to think, “This isn’t happening.” You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotions. It’s a defense mechanism.
- Anger: As reality sets in, you’re faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural too.
- Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could’ve done to prevent the loss. Thoughts such as “if only…” and “what if…” are common at this stage. You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
- Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
- Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can’t be changed. Although you still feel sad, you’re able to start moving forward with your life.
Symptoms of Grief
Physical symptoms
Loss can be very stressful and take a physical toll on your body. Grief can affect your nervous system as well as weaken your immune system.
Grief symptoms can include
- Tiredness
- Headaches
- Nausea
- Upset stomach
- Joint pain
- Weak muscles
- Tightness in your throat or chest
- Loss of appetite or increased appetite
- Sleeping too much or too little
Emotional symptoms
When you’re grieving, it’s common to feel emotions in waves. There are no right or wrong feelings in grieving. You may feel normal one minute but be in tears the next. You also may have conflicting or confusing emotions, such as:
- Feeling sad that a loved one died but also a sense of relief that they’re not in pain.
- Missing your spouse after divorce but also feeling happy about a new start.
- Having guilt for being glad as you no longer have to take care of a dying loved one.
- Feeling apathy, anger, sadness, and regret, all at the same time, as you grieve the loss of someone with whom you had a difficult relationship.
Tips
Instead, try these approaches to help you come to terms with your loss and begin to heal:
- Give yourself time: Accept your feelings and understand that grieving is a process.
- Talk to others: Spend time with friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself.
- Take care of yourself: Exercise regularly, eat well, and get enough sleep to stay healthy and energized.
- Return to your hobbies: Engage in activities that bring you joy.
- Join a support group: Speak with others who are also grieving. This can help you feel more connected.
Grief Support Groups Studies show that joining a grief support group can help prevent prolonged or complicated grief. You can find these groups through nonprofits like The Compassionate Friends, your doctor, community centers, or places of worship.
How to Help Grieving Loved Ones
Supporting loved ones who are grieving involves several important steps:
- Be there: Ask them what they need. Do they want to talk? Take a walk? Help with arrangements? Support them in the ways they need.
- Find ways to help: Offer to run errands, drive their kids to school, cook a meal, or help with laundry.
- Let them know they can talk to you: They may be waiting for a signal that it’s alright to share stories and process their feelings. Listen more than you talk.
- Don’t minimize their loss: Never say a loss wasn’t a big deal or that they should move on. Avoid putting a positive spin on their loss. Statements like “it’s all for the best” or “they’re in a better place now” can sound dismissive. Allow your loved one to process their feelings honestly. It’s a natural and necessary part of grieving.
Takeaways
- Grief is a natural reaction to various kinds of loss.
- You may have different feelings that come and go, in any order.
- There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s different for everyone.
- There are many different kinds of grief.
- Grief can cause physical and emotional symptoms.
- Professional help and support are available for coping with grief.